Feb 2nd – Moving from darkness to …. playful? wonder?

The Author

E. Alana James

E. Alana James

Dr E Alana James is reinventing herself again! Coming full circle to the first love of her life - art - and bringing back to her images all the lessons of her life as author, researcher, academic and wife. Concerned mostly with the idea of images as vehicles for expression of the truth of our inner and outer life experience.

Loss of control has had me in a grip and I fully realise how much I need to get out of the patterns of thought that are controlling me.  Margie comes back today but I don’t want to lose the reflective and reflexive lessons I have learned because she was gone.  I have seen my dark side and its name is control.

My ego loves my alpha self, I love the getting things done and the admiration of others.  It can’t be at a cost for those I love though and the tension between these two types or ways of being does not sit in one life.  Most of the time the daily effort of life distracts us.  these two weeks have shown me the cracks in the mirror I was holding up.  It leaves me afraid, and of course, the irony in that is that control is an effort of the ego to hide fear.

So now I need to guide my ship – away from the rocks and back out onto the sea of more happiness, joy and playfulness where I want to live.  Follows is my first attempt and steering – looking up from others their ideas on letting go of control and them moving on to what life is like after the work is done.  

The work – to be covered and worked through in future posts

  1. using imagery – rather than toughing it out to climb a mountain with a 100-pound pack on my back (keeping control) I can imagine soaring like an eagle over the challenges inherent in whatever has me uptight.
  2. write down a fear list – control is rooted in fear and false fears at that.  what are they?  let’s expose them to the light (seems ripe for another post)
  3. focus on grace and mindfulness – another post is in order, what does it mean to me?  How do I see it and identify when I am there?
  4. move into the present – control fears are the future- remember that every moment can be a release
  5. focus on what I trust – keep moving forward into deeper and deeper faith
  6. perform “esteemable acts” – I stole this one from a list that had made the rounds on the internet bt I like it – we all know when we have acted out of our true self – do more of that.
  7. Say mantras, prayers, affirmations – each in their own time to release the tension that has me caught in the pattern that results in control.  (another path to staying mindful – a first step to mindful maybe?  another post)
  8. Get support – I don’t have to do this alone???? (always a hard notion for me isn’t it)  OMG another post!  LOL
  9. Keep refining what it means to be free – where am I going?  (posts galore in the making)